TIL 25: Stress Management 5


Today’s session was largely about relationships and communication.

The exercise was to pick someone who irritates you – someone close to you, friend or family, who can really press your buttons. This wasn’t just about putting yourself into their shoes, but to really really try to inhabit their skin. How would they sit? What facial expression would be ‘them’? Take a good five to ten minutes to try to feel being that person. Perhaps you’re finding yourself with facial hair, or hips, for the first time! ūüėČ This isn’t so much about putting yourself in their heads, although interesting to see if the physical leads to the psychological.

Have a moment before you’re done to imagine being them and yourself at the same time. Then, as you come back to being yourself, notice what changes. Do you sit up¬†straighter, etc?

This exercise is all about empathy, of course, but with the slightly different slant of focusing on the physical rather than just the ‘how would they think/see this’.

We also covered the stages of communicating a difficult change to someone, from not belittling your own needs/wants, through compromise and restating the key points to ensure that both parties understand the same thing from the words!

TIL 24: FYWV 5


My notes on the book,¬†Finding Your Writer’s Voice,¬†by Thaisa Frank and Dorothy Wall. Working my way through the first part, ‘Voice’, as one of three main topics covered in my take on¬†the September Learning Challenge.

Chapter 13 – Who’s Speaking? Voice and Character

As you ‘play with the chorus of voices in your head’, you can discover the amazing duality of projecting your voice like a ventriloquist, of being you and entirely not you at the same time as you inhabit the character you are projecting. Pay attention the next time the voice crops up, really interrogate the character and get a life story. When you do this, do you¬†become the character, or do you sit across from the character and interview them? This might be a hint as to whether you should write in the first or third person.

Playing with personas, dramatic masks, can help with voice, especially if you let one push a characteristic to the extreme. Try experimenting, e.g. a¬†voice of someone who holds an opposite view to one of your own deep-held beliefs, or a character who would actually carry out a relatiation fantasy you’ve harboured. Take a bland/superficial characteristic of your own which you dislike, and make it a big part of a character, or find a character who both repells but still rather intrigues you.

Personae can often present as caricatures initially. Don’t let this put you off – they might just need some time to grow. Try putting a cardboard character into a quiet setting, see what comes out about them.

Chapter 14 – Capturing the Inner Critic

No writer will be unfamiliar with the inner critic – the poisonous voice that tells us we’re not good enough and might as well give up. But why not turn the critic into a character, just like any other voice?

Channel your critic’s energy into your story, especially as it tends to rear its head at the most crucial moments.

Even if you think your critic has a good point to make, the harsh and nasty way you talk to yourself is never helpful. If you can find a way to constructively use that voice, fine; otherwise [cast a riddikulus spell on it ;)].

Chapter 15 – Learning to Spot the Imposter

“Noises that may sound pretty, may be executed with sophistication, but are not connected to one’s inner spirit.”

A fake voice can cover up nerves in a writer, just as in a singer. Relying too much on technique, slipping into an academic or ‘literary’ voice – writing from the head instead of the gut. Saying things like “His words set off defensive signals in my mind” instead of the direct “I was furious.” Detachment is deadly for a writer.

Your imposter voice might just be you settling into writing – you can learn to¬†work through it. Or it might be a response to your inner critic – over embellishing to make yourself ‘more writerly’. Simpler is usually better. Spot the imposter voice by reading your work aloud, or exaggerating the tendency when you see it e.g. if your writing is too academic, try writing in overblown psychological jargon.

The good news is that imposter voices are like costumes which can be worn by your characters.

Suggested exercises include: letting a minor character be the main character in a short story; set a quiet and demure character against a loud, brash one and let them talk about writing, family, anything; remove all adjectives and adverbs from a piece of your writing – what difference does it make?

Find the earlier parts¬†of the ‘series’ here:

TIL 23: javascript 7


For loops:

  • loops allow the same bit of code to be run multiple times
  • For loops are the most common kind in javascript
  • the declaration format is:¬†for ([initialisation]; [condition]; [final-expression])
  • the initialisation step only executes¬†once, before the loop starts. Generally it is used to set up the loop variable
  • the condition statement is evaluated at the start of every loop, and the loop is only executed if this condition¬†evaluates to true
  • the final-expression is executed at the end of each loop, before the next condition check, and usually increments or decrements the loop¬†counter
  • e.g.¬†for(var i = 0; i < 5; i+=2) { myArray.push(i)];}¬†would result in [0, 2, 4]
  • For loops are often used to iterate through arrays, e.g.¬†for(var i = 0; i < 5; i++) {console.log myArray[i]; }
  • nested for loops are used to loop through multi-dimensional arrays, e.g.


While loops:

  • as the name suggests, runs ‘while’ a specified condition is true
  • var i = 0; while (i < 5) { myArr.push(i); i++ }
  • note that the counter variable, i, has to be declared outside of the loop –¬†while (var i < 5)¬†would try to redeclare it on every loop
  • also note the need to increment the counter within the loop – if you forget this you’ll enter an infinite loop!

TIL 22: Stress Management 4b


Following on from this post, I realised in my sleepy state I’d forgotten several things we’d covered!

First, the concept of ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’, and how much we use these words to beat ourselves up. Try and catch yourself! Even the fun stuff in life is all too often turned into a ‘should’ – I should really go on holiday. I must catch up with the girls, it’s been ages. It might sound minor, silly even, but just the change from ‘should’ to ‘want to’ in talking/thinking about a task can make it easier or more enjoyable. Even chores – not “I have to do the ironing”, but “I want to look after my clothes and feel good about my appearance.” (for example)

We also did a really lovely visualisation exercise, based around that idea of change. We were to imagine ourselves somewhere calm and safe, with a view of¬†a broad swathe of sky. Imagine the warmth of the sun against your skin, and a cool breeze. Now look out and see the shadows start to lengthen, and the birds singing the evening chorus. The air cools a little, and the sky starts to go from blue into the amazing reds, oranges and pinks of sunset, then darker still into indigos and the deep deep blue-black of night. The stars come out – what a view you have of the milky way! Ponder for a moment how far those pinpricks of light have travelled to reach you.¬†Now watch the moon rise, throwing shadows around you, shifting as the orb tracks across the sky before setting. Feel the calm moment of utter stillness, before a hint of light starts to show in the east, gradually brightening through the golden pinks of dawn.¬†A few chirrups start from the birds, building to the full dawn chorus as the sky continues to brighten. You can see the dew on the grass in front of you reflecting the new day’s sunlight.

As well as being relaxing in its own right, this visualisation reminds us that change is a constant. The sun dips below the horizon every night, and rises again every morning. The seasons rotate in the same manner. As a tree loses its leaves in autumn, it doesn’t fret for the loss but rather makes space for the new growth in the spring. Likewise, our own lives will change and cycle, and each time something falls out of our lives it makes room for something new.


TIL 21: FYWV 4


From¬†the book,¬†Finding Your Writer’s Voice, with the TIL¬†entries on that starting here.

Chapter 10 – Public and Private Voices

Children take time to learn not to simply tell the stories in their heads out loud, and will wander around making up tales, talking to their toys, etc. Practice saying your inner thoughts aloud (alone is fine!) and see if that frees up your voice.

Chapter 11 – The Sound of Colloquial Voice

A relaxed, informal voice of everyday conversation – you’ll probably not even remember what you say, never mind how you say it! Colloquial voice has vitally, gets straight to the point, and puts the reader at ease. However, watch out for ‘common knowledge’ assumptions that often don’t translate well to the page.

Often, trying to avoid the colloquial voice to sound more literary¬†leaves writing¬†dry and hollow. What you’re aiming for is a blend of the two: a polished version of your speaking voice. This takes practice.

Listening to how people – yourself included – speak is a great tool in developing dialogue.

Chapter 12 – The Chorus of Voice

You might be surprised to find your inner voice is actually a whole host of voices. Some of these can be enticed to tell their stories, others will fizzle out. There is always the danger, too, that the voice is ‘borrowed’ from somewhere else.

Like opening Pandora’s box, you should let all of these characters free. Often those that seem most untrustworthy will have the biggest potential. Become their scribe, give them a notebook. Set them in impossible situations, adorned in outlandish costumes. Milk them for all they’re worth.

The exercises involve ‘discovering’ some of the voices that speak up inside, and imagining various circumstances: e.g., giving them a lot of money, sending it on a secret mission, giving it a job interview, or just letting it ramble on about a hobby.

Previous installments:


TIL 20: javascript 6


Objects (continued):

  • Objects can be thought of as key/value storage, like a dictionary
  • Objects can be used to store data as lookup tables


  • check if an object property exists with .hasOwnProperty(propertyName);¬†which returns true or false
  • a javascript object is one way to handle flexible data, allowing for artbitrary combinations of different data types
  • complex data structures might be stored as objects inside an array
  • objects¬†properties are key-value pairs, e.g. “artist”: “Beatles” is a property with key “artist” and value “Beatles”
  • objects can be nested e.g.


  • access the sub-properties of nested objects by chaining the dot or bracket notation, as shown above
  • nested arrays¬†are accessed in a similar manner, e.g.¬†arr1[1].arr2[0];
  • JSON (JavaScript Object Notation) is a related data interchange format used to store data.

TIL 19: Cognitive Bandwidth


Random Fridays, where I waffle about an article I’ve read during the week!

Following on from posts on (not) Doing All the Things and more generally¬†Time Management, I stumbled across an article on Lifehacker about Cognitive Bandwidth. I’d say it’s worth reading the article behind it all, Why You Feel Busy All the Time¬†– and given this is exactly how I was feeling last week, the read couldn’t have been more timely!

“There are always …¬†more things to read, more ideas to follow up… The result, inevitably, is feeling overwhelmed: we‚Äôre each finite human beings, with finite energy and abilities, attempting to get through an infinite amount. We feel a social pressure to ‚Äúdo it all‚ÄĚ, at work and at home, but that‚Äôs not just really difficult; it‚Äôs a mathematical impossibility.

For me, it wasn’t that I had an untenable list of things to get through last week, but even when I wasn’t doing I had an ongoing ‘whirr’ of “this next, then that tomorrow, don’t forget about…”. Cognitive bandwidth overload!

busyAnd that¬†quote above – the modern to-do list is never empty. Well, mine never is! There’s always something that can be tidied, made, read, watched – my stack of unread books¬†plus those I’d quite like to read might last¬†out several decades by this point! Can we say overwhelm?!

The article doesn’t really offer solutions, but it does point out the contradiction that the busier we are (or feel), the worse our time management skills get.

My own solution? Rephrase a lot of the ‘I should’s into ‘I want’s (I’ve just spent a massive chunk of the weekend cooking – but it’s been fun!). Be realistic with your to do list – maybe write it and cut it in half. Take time to meditate. Plan downtime – and make it proper downtime! There are reasons why going to the cinema is more relaxing than watching a movie in the house (you’ve paid and made the effort to go there, you’re more likely to concentrate rather than have half a mind to jump up and finish the dishes), for example. Pick your task or leisure and¬†focus on just that – this is what mindfulness is all about.