It’s been a tough old time of late, but over the past week I’ve been trying to reflect on not only why my 52 Changes habit have fallen by the wayside a bit, but how I feel about that.
The good news is: I’m not quitting! Yes, I needed a break – I might not have coped with the stress of the past while as well as I could, but heck, I’ve coped and I’ve rested, and I’m starting to feel like myself again. And I’ve remembered why I started this ‘habit experiment’, and that it was doing me good! So for my own future ‘read this and remember’:
Being tired makes everything worse. But I think I have to push through it a little bit, ‘cos doing nothing makes me feel worse – even though I think snuggling down is going to help, I end up feeling stuck and restless, and asking too-big questions (“Do I need to move job? Should I be moving house?”) with no answers, just more stress. So sleep, and meditation for perspective; and then the ‘turtle steps’ so it doesn’t feel like nothing is ever going to change, ever.
Because it doesn’t have to be a huge effort: the whole point is to start small and find something maintainable BUT also to be kind to myself and realise that on ‘off days’ I don’t have to judge myself for doing a tinier step. Exercise was the first to drift (as ever!), and it took far too long for me to realise that while I felt I couldn’t face zumba there was still plenty I could have done – a dance around the livingroom to some happy music, perhaps? But somehow that wasn’t ‘enough’ to count, since I’d been doing so much more up to that point… Ah.
That ties in to something I already knew: fear of failure being a huge cause of procrastination. I was supposed to be making a birthday card last week – I had a great idea, but ended up never starting. My idea may have been overly ambitious: so I could have made a smaller, easier idea. Did neither. Bleh. Good news? I have another birthday next weekend, so let’s work past this…!
Last thought: how quickly it goes from one day missed, to a week gone – must try to stop that!
So. Here’s to a second go at all this! 🙂