On feeding creative urges

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It hasn’t escaped my notice that for a blog supposedly about creativity – at least in part (and I intend for it to be a large part of my scanner life!) – I’ve written very little about creativity. Urm, make that nothing about it?!! o_O

Creativity has a nasty habit of being pushed to one side in my life. I know I want to – deep down in my soul wantΒ to – but I am and have trained myself largely to be a being of logic. And logically, creative noodlings just don’t cut it. Well, duh.

On the other side of that coin, creativity scares me! I’m terrified of being terrible, of finding out that my not-starting is covering up a general rubbishness rather than too-busyness. Logically I know that’s neither (entirely) true, nor fair: ‘failing’ is half the creative process, after all! But still! It’s tough to ‘find’ time for something with that hanging over it.

Oh, but I intend for it all to change, I do I do! πŸ™‚

A week (or three!) ago I moved past the big millstone of exam-prep, and treated myself to a trip to the library’s creative section, finally borrowing a beginner level sketching how-to. I got it home, I read and drooled, and I found my set of drawing pencils from school. From school… that’s 15 years I’ve been carrying around this “oh, I’ll get back to it!” urge. Wow. And I cannot begin to fully describe the feeling that washed over me, looking at that battered tin: I admit, I teared up more than a little. Why? I don’t quite know: for hopes left forlorn, perhaps, or the girl I once was with the life I had planned. Or more than likely, that I know fine and well that it’s all there for me to retake – if only I wasn’t too paralysed to start!!

The drawing book remains unused, the sketchpad pristine. I have spent large chunks of the week picking out colours of promarkers – my new craft acquisition, with its attendant ‘plans’ to use them for card making, a bit of drawing… and loads of fears that like everything else they’ll end up stuck in a drawer waiting for ‘one day… when I’m less busy’! Yeah…

I want a positive ending to this post, though, and here it is: last night I stopped thinking about some grand creative thing I could do, stopped waiting ’til I bought the right materials – and ended up digging out an ancient set of (bought just for trial) acrylics to do this:Β nail art attempt 1

It’s silly, utterly daft – but oh it was fun! πŸ™‚ Finding a use for those paints, and the ColorShaper tools (well cool – I recommend!), that have been kicking about for literally years – and more, feeling so darn creative just for having and using these things!

Yes.

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One response »

  1. It’s hard, isn’t it? To want something yet be afraid of doing it… I try to go in another direction: tell myself I have no talent at all (well… it’s actually true! ;)) so anything I manage to create is better than I expected. πŸ™‚ And hey, your nail looks adorable! πŸ˜€ I’m looking forward to more creative posts here!

    Like

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